Affair proof your marriage means that you are taking control and taking responsibility for whether or not things work out. Something you need to do if you are grown up and deserve to be in a good relationship. I often get people coming to me saying their partner has had an affair or let them down yet when you find out more you can see that they knew their partner was this way BEFORE they got married.
Let us take a good example given to an online free agony aunt recently. I will call the client who consulted the agony aunt Mrs X. She got together with a Mr Z and they fell in love or maybe lust and they got very keen on each other. But Mrs X was very sensible regarding finances and Mr Z was the total opposite. He earned a good income but it would always disappear before it was even in the bank account. Yet this did not stop him from spending more and more lavishly. When his daughter and her husband came to visit with their children he took them out for a meal at a cost of £200 for one meal. Then a few days later he went online and joined the golf club at a cost of £2000 and a few days after that he bought a boat. And all of the time he knew he had already been bankrupt twice, that he had bailiffs after him, as well as banks and credit card companies. When it came to him paying his share of the electricity and gas on the place online he shared with Mrs X he would plead poverty and expert her to pay for it all. When it came to going out he would plead poverty and expert her to stay in or pay. Yet he would then go off on another fantastic long and very expensive holiday. It came to a head when he and his partner Mrs X had a talk and said that she should be more generous and give him more money to help him, even though she worked hard for all she had and earned a lot less than him.
They were thinking of getting married and they were in many ways compatible but if she had gone ahead with a guy like this it would have been asking for trouble. So one way she can avoid ending up wanting to cheat or being with a cheat is to NOT marry such a selfish and irresponsible person in the first place. Mr Z was the sort of guy who may well cheat later if he did not get what he wants. So the first step to making sure that you are going to be happy enough not to want to be disloyal and that your partner will not want to be is the simple act of making sure you are right together. Supposing you have a very old man of 85 and a very beautiful sexy young woman of 20 it would be asking for trouble and silly to expect her to stay loyal. Years after Mrs X and Mr Y split she found out he had conned other people into “lending ” him and giving him money to the tune of well over $1,000,000 and was still doing it. Proof that he was irresponsible. Proof he was a cheat financially. Proof he was a liar. Proof that he was not worth marrying. Proof that getting involved with your lover would be a huge mistake.
Any free online agony aunt or cheap psychic or one of the life coaching forums will tell you that the next part to “proofing” your marriage against an affair is very important too because some get spliced and then they take their partner for granted and assume that because they have that piece of paper and that ring on their finger they can now relax and be any way they want, staying out later, not bothering to dress up and look nice and being argumentative. Proof that a marriage does not work is everywhere with most ending in divorce or separation but some end in an affair with them staying together, sometimes both the husband and wife have an affair. These people assume that going through a wedding ceremony and having a piece of paper means the other person cannot or will not ever have an affair, how naive is that? In a way I think it is a good thing that it is easier now to get a divorce than it used to be because people really did used to get trapped in awful relationships then and the other person did used to take advantage of this. Nowadays if the person you are in a marriage with does not pull their weight at least you have that escape. BUT another thought is this – if you are in a marriage and have kids you ought to consider them. This does not necessarily mean that you should stay and be miserable but you owe it to your children to make sure that you are with someone who is suitable for you and who can make you and them happy and you owe it to them to sort things out properly if you are not. Statistics show that a lot of children who come from a broken home tend to be more shy, less confident, more likely to have depression or anxiety or social anxiety issues and they are far less likely to succeed in life. This is the same whether they are brought up by two parents who do not get on and who argue or by two parents who separate and go off in different directions. So think carefully before you choose your partner for marriage if that person really is the right one and especially if you already have or will be having children and never ever get caught in a situation where you are trapped and cannot leave if you choose to. It is hard to proof your relationship against such problems but choosing the wrong person in the first place is guaranteed to lead to disaster one way or the other.
You can consult Charlotte personally. It can be about an affair or anything you need help with. You can also get lots of no charge help here and you can use the excellent community threads. You can talk to others in a similar situation to you, you can talk to others who can advise you, you can talk to others who need advice from you.
