The grass is always greener

I read something. Deep, dark and scary. The words had a powerful impact, I was a little high, a  little lost, a  little nonchalant, I am now deep in thoughts and I shall just let them flow. If I do not make sense, it shall be my folly but I trust you to make sense out of the nonsensical. So here goes nothing…

There lies a dark side to all of us, one and all. The dark side flickers on and off fighting with the good side; the eternal duel to be righteous or reckless.
Eventually we realize that neither of them are good, both in their extreme are bad. Like salt and sugar. One makes us hypertensive, the other diabetic. One cant live without either, and both are capable of killing.
Perhaps that is why the most beautiful color is grey, one that is made of a little of both, the dark as well as the white. All of us are painted grey.
Most do not like that, they want to believe that they are either white or black. That  is a lie most of us live all our lives. Some accept reality, bluntly. They feel the pain, the feel the joys. Those are people we call realists. Now when I put it that way, you may want to fall in that category!
But do not lie to yourself, even if you are a realist, you want to be either more white or more black. Why? Why can’t we just accept reality as it is? Why do we want to live a life we do not lead?
I can answer that, in probably 1000 words or more, but that is not the point right now! Right now I am going to tell you a short story.

5.30 am
The first loud hoot of the local bus woke me up. Another bland morning, another day of nonchalance. Another day of acting like a mental fuck-up hoping some gentle lady pities me and gives me some money, or some rich brat shows off in front of his girlfriend and doles out a 100 rupees. Another day of praying that a calamity strikes all of us dead. Another day of hoping that I get a square meal, at least, apart from my dose of afeem which I can get from Hari without having to blow him for it.
I see the morning shuttles lining up outside the call center, I can see the pretty girl who takes kindly to me a few times. I hope I get my morning tea money. I am putting my game face on, please God, kill us all!

5.45 am
The poor retard is looking frailer than ever, I will give him an extra rupee today. Thank God the shift has ended. I can’t take this anymore. Ram is never going to promote me. He has been using me all along, now that his wife has found out about our affair I am certain he will dump me. She is such a bitch with her fancy bags and fake airs! Why do I have to give in to my demands for that little extra? Ahh..what wouldn’t I give to be like Shravan, he is so cool. Going towards his bike, calm and composed. Who would say he got escalated today, probably would lose his job too! But at least he lives life the way he wants to. God, kill me now or make me stronger.

6.00 am
Ria is looking at me that way again, if only she was not humping Ram on the side, I would have asked her out. The bitch does not even realize that the motherfucker has already promoted Divya. Probably after she got the abortion done. Damn, I am losing my job next week and here I am still thinking of scoring a pussy! The rent is not paid, the EMI’s for this stupid bike are still pending and I do not see getting any positive feedback from the motherfucker! Now why the hell did the motherfucker need to find out I was sleeping with his wife. There he goes, new car and all the pussy in the BPO. Fuck! I could have been him. God, kill him!

6.15 am
Bastard! Looking at me as if he will kill me. I shall have him on the streets. Damn, he told Shree about all the bitches. Now, I have the divorce papers in my briefcase and an expensive lawsuit in the making. Her father will make sure I get laid off and not hired by anyone in this business. Why did I have to marry the daughter of a mafia lord? If he gets mad, he will probably have me killed or worse castrated. And here comes the retard hoping I give him a penny. The poor bastard, at least he knows he will live on to see the light of another day. God, I can swap places with him, please!

Chennai – 26th December, 2004. An hour before the Tsunami strike.


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