Before I go into the story at hand I would like to ask everybody…How do you look up to someone who confesses you something that’s confined in his/her heart for a long time? Would you be angry on a genuine confessor for confessing in public or would you be proud that yes the confessor has the guts to speak about his feelings in public without any fear?
Think about the answer… this story will give you ample insights of facing such a situation.
You know there’s a thumb rule about confessing, when you confess something which is not appreciated or isn’t looked up well and you dared to speak it out…more often than not…you are looked down upon. But I must say if your words had the mark of unfeigned character be pretty sure you would leave everlasting imprints of your words to the person concerned purely because of your honesty and straight forwardness…as it’s said nothing better to begin something with clarity of thoughts and feelings.
Today I am here with a story of an introvert person Ayusman who strained his contacts socially as people around didn’t understand his feelings and at times made mockery of his long lasting love which never yielded any fruit from the other side. But that never deterred his emotions and his feelings grew from strength to strength as he knew his feelings were true.
To begin with Ayusman was never an introvert but circumstances turned him to be one and therefore I cajoled him for a small talk as such we could know why did a jolly person like him turned into an person he is now and then suddenly after many years went on to confess about his love in a public forum.
Me: Ayusman…i must enounce you for accepting the invitation for a small talk after your electrifying confession.
Ayusman: I should thank you for taking your time for airing out my feelings when I desperately needed.
Me: So tell me… what really happened…as far as I know you were never an introvert?
Ayusman: I never thought I would be like this…but you know time and circumstances are the most powerful affairs to be content with.
Me: I didn’t understand?
Ayusman: you know I have learnt 1 thing from life–“When People Stop talking to you, they start talking about you” and it hurts the most because the people whom you thought to be your friend become a roadblock themselves.
Me: I am Still puzzled…Ayusman.
Ayusman: you know I always felt that speaking about one’s love in public is nothing more than a publicity stunt…and therefore I was captive about my feelings to few good friends…but less did I know that those were not the people I should have confided.
Me: Why? What happened?
Ayusman: You know there is a girl named Somsri, who is the best friend of Anurita, the person I love. I would speak about my feelings for Anurita to Somsri as I considered her to be a true friend,A friend with whom i could be myself without worrying about the world around…Not only about love but I would speak to her about anything or everything, more often about my feelings for Anurita as Anurita was my entire life…but she felt I made her my friend only because she was a friend of Anurita. So eventually I stopped talking to her. I thought I made a mistake by curtailing my contacts with Somsri but…
Me: I don’t like suspense…Please continue.
Ayusman: You know whenever people say…you shouldn’t do this or you shouldn’t do that…do you know what I believe?
Me: please continue with your story first.
Ayusman: I am speaking about my story only…I believe in trying everything for once and then make a statement why one shouldn’t do a particular thing…and in voyage of experiments I was drunk one evening…and I messaged few things to Somsri about Anurita.
Me: What happened after that?
Ayusman: you know I learnt two things that day…first -it’s very hard to control your feelings when you are drunk…so I made it a point I would never drink again…and the other thing that I learned was all those people whom we call our friends are not our true friends.
Me: Can you be clear…Ayusman?
Ayusman: You know…I messaged Somsri, how much Anurita meant to me and how much I love Anurita. You know I had a habit of writing messages of my close friends in a diary…and I wrote the messages I sent to Somsri as well…I wasn’t in talking terms with Somsri for long after as she had accused me of keeping friendship with her for only because of Anurita…but as I said…it’s very hard to control one’s feelings when one’s drunk and out of several friends I messaged Somsri…The very next day I called Somsri to apologize her for contacting her again…and I was dumbstruck.
Me: what happened?
Ayusman: Somsri kept on criticizing me…I told her I was drunk and I didn’t realize I messaged her…she said I wrote all rubbish… I knew it very well what I had written to her…but still I said what rubbish did I wrote?
Me: What did she say?
Ayusman: She never said anything…and therefore I promised upon myself that I would never speak to her again…
Me: so that’s it?
Ayusman: No, you know I would have spoken several things about me and my life to her when we were in contacts… I considered her to be a true friend…so I was never worried what I am speaking to her…and I felt at least I had contacted somebody (when I was drunk) whom I trust and thought even though I am not in contact with her…she will keep that episode to herself only. But she spread it like advertising pamphlets to her friends…and that day I realized I did a mistake in my life.
Me: That’s sad…but that doesn’t mean you should stop contacting your other friends.
Ayusman: There’s a person named Soumabh Singh…I considered him to be one of my best friend…a seer genius both in studies and otherwise…he had helped me a lot when I was clueless and was desperate to find whereabouts of Anurita….but
Me: What happened with him?
Ayusman: many things didn’t fall the way I wanted it to be and I lost few of my friends…but still I was trying to win over my friends and Soumabh did appreciate my efforts but when it came about Indrashis… the person because of whom I lost my love not only did he blindly supported him but also advised me to keep myself away from Anurita and forget her…He Also spoke few harsh words about her…which I couldn’t gulp down.
Me: You left a friend for that?
Ayusman: If he wasn’t there to help me to sort my relation with Indrashis I would have lived with that…but how can he speak those words against her…if he would have spoken anything about me I would have forgiven him…but I cannot hear anything against Anurita.
Me: So you curtailed your contacts with him because of Anurita?
Ayusman: You won’t believe…what he did after breaking off with my friendship.
Me: What did he do?
Ayusman: He used to advise me to forget Anurita and he himself became friends with Anurita.
Me: What? I can’t believe.
Ayusman: That day…I realized I made another mistake of considering Soumabh a friend.
Me: That’s really sad for you…
Ayusman: Things didn’t end here…I was hardly in contact with any of Anurita’s common friend and one fine day Ivory one of Anurita’s friend called me up and said few things I was exasperated to say the least.
Me: What did she say?
Ayusman: she knew it very well…what my aim in life is…she said my dream can never be true and I should forget my dream.
Me: What did you reply?
Ayusman: It was very hard for me to control myself and thus I said…I am what I am, and I am willing to live my life like this and if there’s no way my dreams can be true then I suppose I don’t need anybody advising me like that…I would live my life like this…without any friend as such.
Me: Now I know why you have become an introvert…things have really not gone for you…and I am feeling sorry about you.
Ayusman: Please don’t be sorry… I live my life with no regrets and I do whatever I think I should do…if people think its wrong…it’s up to their thinking and I can’t help. As far as my thinking is concerned if I am not harming any person and I feel whatever I think is correct I would continue to do it with or without help.
Me: Ok…So what made you confess about your love in a public forum?
Ayusman: you know…I care about Anurita a lot…I know whatever she is now at present it’s because of her efforts only…but you know not even a single day has passed when I didn’t think about her…she might be away from me entangled in her personal and professional life…but there was a soul who was praying for her every time she had her exams semester by semester and the day her final results were declared I was more relieved than anybody else…I felt very happy for her..i didn’t want to intervene during her study period so I never confessed it when I realized I am hampering her studies by contacting her.
Me: So why did you choose a public forum?
Ayusman: You know I don’t know what her future plans are…she might get married…I don’t know any whereabouts of her and no common friends to rely upon…so I chose to disclose it in a social confession page…hoping she would read it and would know I still feel the same I did years ago…
Me: I hope she reads your confession…and everything ends well for you…hope for the best…thank you Ayusman for talking to me…!!!
For all the readers here’s Ayusman’s confession…
I am not a student of this college neither do have any connection with this college but when i came to know about this confession page i was as eager to express my views as anybody else out here…The primary and the soul reason for me for reaching out to this forum is to convey the message to the person whom i love for nearly 9 years (3 more months to complete 9 years). She has passed this year (the results were declared on 28th Feb, if I am not mistaken). I love her whole heartedly and yes she knows it but still I felt I should speak it again as this might be my last hope for reaching out to her.
You know it's really tough for any person to bear the pain when you come to know that the person whom you love, loves somebody else…I struggled all these years to accept the reality that she has no feelings left for me. But as it’s said Love is all about seeing your beloved happy and she was happy without me, so I tried to keep myself away from her though at times I couldn’t control my emotions and tried to contact her which irritated her even more…slowly but surely I was out of her life and the resultant was- A dreadful end of my dream.
These lines are for her …!!!
I didn’t see you for the last 7 years, I haven’t heard your voice for the last 5 years and I didn’t try to contact you for the last 3 years…but you know not even a single day has passed when I didn’t think about you or felt miserable about myself and my life. I tried to control my feelings for so long…but I cannot control it anymore…You know I loved you passionately when I was in school…You were the only person whom I shared my feelings when I was in college first year away from you. I didn’t know much to sustain a relationship and I feel it was my fault as I let you go away from my life -A result of my immaturity.
A small poem for you…
You know me the best and you know how much I loved you in the past…
I love you now, more than what I loved you in the entire vast…
You know it succinctly you were my first love as well as my last …
Am willing to live rest of my life in love with you, surpassed…
I would never blame you for leaving me aghast…
Even if you choose someone else to lead your life at last…
I will always wish you happy and prosperous life amassed…
As far as I am concerned it’s only you who completes my cast…
I loved you, love you today and will be loving you till I last …!!!
Love you …!!!
People might not realize whom I am speaking about but am sure…if she reads it she would surely recognize me as I am the one who promised to wait for her till eternity …!!!
A confession page is something which can help a genuine person who has no other way to confess his views to the person/community concerned. I agree most of the people use these confession pages for fun or just a time pass but there are few genuine people who are hoping their voices be heard and these confession page is their only help. And that’s the reason why Ayusman went on to confess in a social forum…!!!
It’s up to the readers to decide whether the steps taken by Ayusman are legitimate to their eyes and whether they approve such a step taken by him. As far as I am concerned he did the right thing. And I always believe –
“A confession is divine when confessed with an honest doctrine. Publicly or privately is never an issue.”