A child who believes in their worth is more likely to thrive — emotionally, socially, and academically. According to Caroline Goldsmith, a renowned Consulting Clinical Psychologist at ATC Ireland, self-esteem is not simply a “nice-to-have” trait. It’s a core psychological resource that shapes every aspect of a child’s mental health.

From a young age, how children perceive themselves — their abilities, value, and sense of belonging — influences how they relate to the world. Healthy self-esteem acts as a protective shield against anxiety, peer pressure, bullying, and self-doubt. In this blog, Goldsmith shares the science behind self-esteem and how parents, educators, and caregivers can cultivate it from the inside out.

What Is Self-Esteem — and Why Does It Matter?

Self-esteem is the internal belief in one’s own value, competence, and ability to face life’s challenges. While it’s often confused with confidence, it goes much deeper. Confidence is situational; self-esteem is enduring.

According to Goldsmith, children with healthy self-esteem are more likely to:

• Take on new challenges with optimism and curiosity
• Resist negative peer pressure and set personal boundaries
• Bounce back from failure and disappointment
• Advocate for their needs in healthy ways
• Show empathy and cooperation with others
• Feel emotionally secure and grounded

On the other hand, low self-esteem can lead to anxiety, avoidance, perfectionism, social withdrawal, or even aggressive behaviors.

How Self-Esteem Develops in Childhood

Goldsmith explains that self-esteem begins to form in early childhood — shaped by a child’s environment, relationships, and experiences. Key contributors include:

1. Attachment and Emotional Safety

Children learn they are lovable and worthy through consistent emotional connection with caregivers.

• Responsive parenting teaches kids that their feelings matter.
• Safe, nurturing environments promote trust and security.

2. Encouragement and Praise

• Specific, sincere praise reinforces a child’s sense of effort and achievement.
• Praise should be focused on process (“You worked so hard on that drawing!”) rather than fixed traits (“You’re so smart!”).

3. Autonomy and Competence

• Allowing children to make choices, take small risks, and complete tasks independently builds confidence.
• “I did it myself!” becomes a powerful motivator.

4. Social Connection

• Positive interactions with peers, teachers, and extended family help kids feel accepted and included.
• Belonging is a crucial part of self-worth.

The Warning Signs of Low Self-Esteem

Goldsmith encourages parents and educators to look for subtle indicators that a child may be struggling with self-esteem:

• Frequent negative self-talk (“I’m stupid,” “I can’t do anything right”)
• Avoiding new activities or challenges out of fear of failure
• Excessive perfectionism or harsh self-criticism
• Sensitivity to criticism or comparison
• Withdrawing socially or becoming overly clingy
• Overcompensating with bossiness or “acting out” behavior

These signs are often a child’s way of asking for connection, reassurance, and guidance — not punishment.

Caroline Goldsmith’s 7 Pillars for Building Self-Esteem in Children

Here are Caroline Goldsmith’s top strategies for raising emotionally strong, self-assured kids:

1. Unconditional Love and Acceptance

Let children know they are valued just as they are, not only when they succeed.

• Say, “I love you even when you’re angry or upset.”
• Avoid using affection or approval as a reward or punishment.

2. Normalize Mistakes and Failure

Help children understand that mistakes are part of growth.

• Share your own learning experiences and setbacks.
• Reframe failure as an opportunity to try again differently.

3. Encourage Decision-Making

Give children age-appropriate choices: what to wear, what snack to eat, what game to play.

• Involvement in small decisions fosters autonomy and agency.

4. Celebrate Effort Over Outcome

Shift the focus from winning or being the best to trying your best.

• “I’m proud of how you kept going even when it got tough.”
• Avoid comparisons with siblings or peers.

5. Model Positive Self-Talk

Children internalize how adults speak — especially about themselves.

• Speak kindly about your own body, abilities, and efforts.
• Encourage affirmations like “I am learning,” “I am capable,” “I am enough.”

6. Create Opportunities for Success

Set children up for small wins that boost confidence:

• Age-appropriate responsibilities (feeding a pet, setting the table)
• Encouragement in hobbies and strengths (drawing, music, building)

7. Be Present and Truly Listen

Active listening tells children, “Your voice matters.”

• Make eye contact, reflect feelings, and avoid rushing solutions.
• Even 10 minutes of focused connection daily can have lasting impact.

Teen Self-Esteem: A Critical Time

Caroline Goldsmith notes that self-esteem dips in adolescence are common — and often tied to identity, body image, and peer dynamics. During this time, support needs to shift slightly:

• Respect privacy while remaining emotionally available.
• Validate their experiences, even when they seem exaggerated.
• Guide them in building their internal compass instead of seeking constant external approval.

When to Seek Support

If self-esteem issues persist and begin interfering with daily life, it may be time for a psychological consultation. Red flags include:

• Chronic anxiety or sadness
• Social isolation or school avoidance
• Aggressive or risk-taking behavior
• Signs of self-harm or hopelessness

Caroline Goldsmith and her team at ATC Ireland specialize in identifying the underlying emotional patterns contributing to low self-esteem, and work with families to restore balance, insight, and healing.

Final Words from Caroline Goldsmith

“Children don’t need to be perfect — they need to be seen, heard, and believed in,” says Goldsmith. “When we nurture their self-esteem, we give them a lifelong gift: the belief that they matter, that they’re capable, and that their voice counts.”

With compassion, presence, and intentional effort, every adult can become a mirror that reflects a child’s inherent worth and potential.

Contact Information:

Caroline’s practice is easily reachable through her website, email, or phone, ensuring clients have multiple ways to Connect and Resources.