Letting go is quite complex and intriguing. Emotions trickling down over the years wears a bit like alcohol traces in the blood and we may have moved on, leaving behind memories but they keep haunting us from time to time. Not that it’s bad, smoldering of thoughts, the unsaid and unfiltered elapsing with half complete words or sentences skimming like water bugs. Relationships, the past ones, unrequited and unfulfilled do haunt as if claiming to inhere on us.
I was going through some old pics from the album randomly yesterday, right from the Pune and Mumbai days, flitting through them when stumbled on this photo album of the ‘ex and me’ in Mumbai, most of the pictures are hers solely since the lovelorn was spending half my time clicking my ex lady love in all moods and moments. Very less of us together which is a good thing. I was clicking S most of the times we were having coffee together, on the road in SoBo and her birthday cakes. One dress that she wore was a personal favorite of mine with the mind drifted to the times spent studying together at the library in Fort and a babel ringing in the mind. It brought me back to the conversation, laughs and cute, romantic things said, done or the conflicts.
Don’t read too much into that for was just a fleeting kinda feeling. Both of us have moved on and there is no holding of emotions that was left behind a decade back. There are things that we can’t help out. I wonder with this question, why such things dredge up and feel uneasy at times to let go as if they never existed in the first place? I was knocked from the present day perch and transported to the ‘liberating’ and ‘free days’ of Mumbai for a few minutes and wrestling with time being ‘back’ to the variegated thoughts with a person I have no contact nor in the loop of the whereabouts.
In a way, it’s quite funny to see that no matter how much we have learned to let go of things, the spasm keep hitting us from time to time. Do we ever learn to move on or letting go, be it things or people? I guess, there is no clear-cut answer to that! Blame it on the mind and its exposure to various sounds, colors, songs or words igniting feelings scything its way into the soul. The human mind can be vulnerable, fettered and enigmatic. Have you ever felt this way despite moving on with things or living behind a life, past or relationship?
There is something about tea, more so tea buds which I love to death, particularly the ones which I keep getting from India or UK. I will soon turn into tea collector and a crazy part of me is tempted to design a tea bar at home. I gotta love the people who bring tea for me from India since I sorely miss them and the local ones are weak. It’s winter time and you know what I mean! Bliss and miracle do happen for it’s called Tea Positive. My friend and colleague, Shruti, who is married and settled here was visited by her cousin-sister from Chennai and her Mom sent three cool packs of Three Roses tea bags for me. The design on the pack is cute with a boy and girl wearing red and enjoying a steamy cup. Then, there is another cousin Dev who visited Mumbai brought a huge pack that I am going to get today where we will be having a boys night out at his place with drinks and all. Just imagine, got another WhatsApp message this morning from Shruti, telling me she got so many tea bags from her Mom and Mausi from India, next time we meet in office she will share some Ceylon tea. I always say that if you bring tea for me, you are not just friends but family. Miracles do happen to wash away the worries or bottled emotions. I am grateful for the tea. And Sandeep from the neighbor office is traveling and promising to get me more tea.
Love
V
