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#FeministMondays | Default Skills And Characteristics

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Every time my husband and I visit a certain household, he is asked how his work is going on and if it is getting hectic for him. I am asked what I cooked for breakfast/lunch/dinner. If this is not unfair, then what is? I work the exact same hours as my husband in an equally demanding job and contribute equally to the household, yet, why am I only expected to focus on domesticity? Why is a woman expected to be born with a certain set of skills and characteristics? She needs to know to cook well, to clean well, to take care of the house, to satiate her husband, to have an inbuilt motherly instinct, continue to look after the house even with a kid seated on her hip, and not complain. Who defined this? Why aren't women expected to have ambitions, rise up the ladder, be financially independent and excel at their work? It doesn't mean that these women will not take care of a house, they might even do that. Still, why isn't what they want from their life ever considered? Apart from my friends, I am yet to come across a woman who will ask me about my work and not about the meals I cook.

How many of us women have been asked if we know how to cook while we were going to get married? Will anyone ask us about our position at work? No. All that matters to others is that a woman should know how to cook, clean, produce and take care of babies. Nothing else is important apart from this. Apparently, most of the best chefs in the world are men. Well, what does one have to say about that? There are so many women out there who do not enjoy cooking, it is totally a personal choice. Nowhere has it been stated that a woman should be the only one who should cook and she should know to cook at any cost. Else, her mother has not taught her well. A kitchen is not a woman's department alone. It is a joint department for the man and the woman. Whoever enjoys cooking should cook, whoever enjoys cleaning should clean. Else, both should take turns to do it. As simple as it is. Personally, I love cooking and I enjoy it. I don't cook three fresh meals at home everyday because I am a woman. I do it because I love doing it. If I'm busy with work or ill, my husband cooks. It is not even a point of discussion for us.

One of the words that I hate the most in the English language is “Compromise”. If I had a penny for every time a woman has asked me to compromise as men are not the ones to do it, I'd be a millionaire by now. Looks like compromise is solely a female trait and it is up to the men to get away with whatever they do. A woman is expected to multitask they say, it comes to her by default they say. What if she doesn't want to multitask? What if she is someone who believes in doing one thing after the other as well as she can and not all of it together? While the maximum multitasking a man is expected to do is to watch TV and drink tea/beer/coffee, a woman is expected to juggle her office work as well as the household chores and excel at everything. Well, she is born with an invisible wand after all.

The saddest part is that it more often than not is always a woman who expects another woman to conform to these ridiculous norms. If a woman comes home late after work to a husband awaiting dinner, the woman is to blame as she got late. Not the man who probably has spent a couple of odd hours in front of the TV and not bothered to prepare a meal for himself and his wife who he knows by now is clearly late. Poor guy, they'll say.

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A maternal instinct is something every woman is expected to have too, by default. When I met the mother of a friend who had just give birth, she asked me when am I planning to have a child. I just responded saying that I do not want to have one. She almost pounced on me saying how can I not want to have one. Every woman should want to have a child she said. If that's the case, shouldn't men too? Why aren't they asked such questions? The problem with our society is that we do not have our basics right. Equality is too far-fetched because of this.

A woman is not expected to have ambitions, a woman is not expected to wear modern clothes or leave her hair open, a woman is not expected to laugh out loud, a woman is not expected to argue with a man or anyone else for that matter, a woman is not expected to hire a cook or order food from outside, woman is not expected to have a life of her own. A woman is expected to be more creative, a woman is expected to be more nurturing, a woman is expected to have Nigella-isque cooking skills, a woman is expected to be ninja of vacuuming, a woman is expected to pop-up babies like it is her sole agenda and she is expected to do all of this at the same time and excel at it all. And what about the man? Well, he is expected to be the bread winner and nothing else.

The problem is that you cannot even argue with such narrow minded people. As much as I would love to correct these people and stress upon the topic of equality, I know that it is a waste of time and speech. Many women are more than happy to conform to these expectations and crib about being born a woman. For me, I only do what I want and when I want. As much as my home is important to me, so is my work and I try my best to not let either of it suffer. The passions I have, be it cooking, writing, stitching or reading, is all acquired. I wasn't born with any of it. It takes time, it takes patience, it takes oodles of hard work to pursue something and be successful at it. It clearly is a matter of choice. Some people are good at one thing and the others are good at some thing else. Just let them be. No woman should have to deal with the burden of expectations about what she is expected to know by default.

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This post is a part of the powerful series #FeministMondays on Naba's blog and you can be a part of it too. On the second Monday of every month, write an impactful post with the hashtag #FeministMondays and link it back to Naba's blog.

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