Guest Author: Former patient who is now in PSB Recovery
Problematic sexual behaviors (PSB) are very different from other types of addiction because they are stigmatized far more. You can declare, “Hi, my name is John. I am a recovering alcoholic,” and earn a round of applause. However, if you state you're recovering from compulsive sexual behaviors, you are more likely to receive looks of shock, horror, and even disgust. Having to face these reactions is one of the reasons I, like so many others struggling, kept my compulsions secret for such a long time.
It wasn't until I finally sought help at Paradise Creek Recovery that I learned PSB is not a lack of self-control. It is a genuine condition with underlying causes and requires proper treatment. Now, as I live in long-term PSB recovery, I would like to share how I found a sense of purpose and meaning beyond my addiction. I hope my story inspires you to do the same.
Discovering a New Purpose
For those struggling with PSB, compulsions become all-consuming entities that quickly take over life. There is no space for “meaning” or “purpose” because everything is about meeting that need. Mine were so overbearing I never stopped to think about why I was engaging in such destructive behavior. It turns out that residential treatment was the key to finding the answer and taking back control.
While taking part in individual therapy, group sessions, and educational workshops, I dug deep into my past and psyche. I learned that my compulsions developed as a result of several unaddressed traumas. I also became aware that certain states of mind would trigger unrelenting urges. But that was just the tip of the iceberg.
In residential treatment, I learned the most important thing – I was not alone. My fellow residents, who were battling similar demons, provided a kind of support I never experienced before. As we shared our stories, fears, and hopes, my outlook on life changed. It was no longer “Will I ever be able to overcome PSB?” It was now, “When I regain control, there is so much more I could do.” My new purpose was re-discovery my passions.
Reconnecting with Passions and Interests
Before PSB took over, I loved playing the guitar, hiking outdoors, and biking. They were all fun activities that used to help me decompress after work and on the weekends. With the help of my therapists, I started again and found some of that old joy. On the advice of my support group, I also tried some new hobbies, like painting, gardening, and cooking.
In all honestly, not everything was right for me, but the act of trying brought a sense of accomplishment. Ultimately, making an effort is what is most important. Every time you step up and try something new, you distance yourself from those compulsions even more, rebuilding your self-worth bit by bit. So explore your hometown, enroll in a workshop, or take a learning class. You never know what hidden talents or passions you might discover.
Setting Goals for the Future
Along with rediscovering my passions, I started setting personal and professional goals for my future. These revolved around finding a new job, improving my physical health, and improving my relationships with my loved ones.
To make progress on these, I used the SMART system to set achievable goals. Take, for example, this goal related to my career:
- Specific: Enroll in an online certification for digital marketing.
- Measurable: Finish all modules and pass the final exam.
- Achievable: Dedicate 6 hours per week to studying.
- Relevant: This certification will enhance my skill set and help me find a better job.
- Time-bound: Earn the certification within six months.
Using the same method, you can break down your big aspirations into smaller, doable tasks.
Building Healthy Relationships
A healthy life beyond addiction also involves people, whether they are your partner, family, friends, or colleagues. This can be challenging because problematic sexual behaviors skew our understanding of what a “normal” relationship is.
Part of my residential treatment involved a re-education in relationships. I learned how to mend existing bounds and build new ones through honest communication, boundary setting, and mutual respect. While this may seem like the most challenging aspect of treatment, it is also one of the most rewarding. With people in your life, you can experience genuine connection, support, and growth – all the elements that add meaning.
Giving Back: Helping Others
Even if you are not 100% sure about your purpose in life, you can never go wrong with giving back. As I regained my footing, I knew my old job was not right for me. There were too many triggers in that environment. I knew if I went back, I would relapse into my past destructive behaviors.
So, as I was searching for a new career opportunity, I began volunteering at a local support group for PSB. I would share my story and offer encouragement to those in the early stages of recovery. This act of giving back was incredibly gratifying. It reinforced my commitment to staying sober and gave me something to look forward to as I forged a new path. Even now, I still take some time to go back and reconnect with others.
Balancing a Meaningful Life
Having a purpose in life does not mean that you give all your time to advancing your career or pursuing a hobby. You have to balance work, relationships, responsibilities, hobbies, and even self-care time. How? By making conscious choices to ensure each area gets the attention it deserves.
Personally, I've found planning out my week to be especially helpful. Every Sunday night, I go through my calendar for the coming week and block time for work, exercise, going out, and relaxing. Seeing it all written out helps me fit everything that is important and makes me happy. Regular therapy sessions are also a part of my meaningful lifestyle because they keep me accountable and on track with my goals.
Final Thoughts
Finding my way through my PSB addiction has not been the easiest, but with residential treatment, hard work, and the support of my network, I have found more than healing. I found purpose and a path to living meaningfully and mindfully.
You can do the same by rediscovering your passions, setting goals, building healthy relationships, and giving back. And, if you are struggling to find balance, remember you can always find help at facilities like Paradise Creek Recovery. With a commitment to becoming better, you can break free of problematic sexual behaviors and enjoy long-term PSB recovery in a life filled with potential.
At Paradise Creek Recovery, we offer residential treatment programs for men struggling with PSB in a safe and judgment-free environment. Our plans are tailored to individual needs, helping you find meaning in recovery. If you or a loved one is struggling with problematic sexual behaviors, reach out to us today at (855) 442-1912 or email paradisecreekmanager@gmail.com to learn more.
