1. Business


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For gay men ‘going all the way’ can only mean one thing – anal sex! If you’ve never done it before, or have had some unsuccessful or not very enjoyable experiences in the past, don’t worry – we’re here to help. This beginner’s guide to anal sex has been created specifically for gay men and will hopefully help you and your partner enjoy a whole new kind of gay sex. 

A few words on the basics When engaging in anal sex, one of you will be giving (also known as ‘top’ or ‘topping’) while the other will be receiving (‘bottom’ or ‘bottoming’). The great thing about gay sex is both of you can do either, you have the freedom to work out which you enjoy, to experiment with both, to swap roles… physiologically there’s nothing forcing you either way. Many gay men enjoy both and will often swap roles. Equally, some men have a strong preference one way or the other. If you and your partner are just starting to discover anal sex, then we’d recommend not rushing to make a decision. Try both a few times, you may find you enjoy the variety! 

Getting down to businessPreparation Enjoyable anal sex, whether it’s your first time or your hundredth, starts way before penetration. And we’re not just talking about foreplay (although more on that shortly!)… The most important thing is to relax. Being tense will make the whole experience more difficult, and that’s true for both partners. So, do what you need to do to put yourself in a good mood and ready for intimacy with your partner. For some men, cleanliness is something that helps them relax before anal sex. As you become more experienced, and more anally active, douching may become something you want to look into. Foreplay Foreplay is vital – being in the mood is as important for anal sex as for any other kind! Again, you’ll find this is true no matter how experienced you are. For beginners though, foreplay is particularly important. To help the ‘bottom’ get ready for the main event, warm him up by inserting a finger or perhaps a small toy. 

But wait. There’s something very important we need to talk about. And you’re going to see this repeatedly in this article, but we can’t stress how important it is. Use. Lube. Even when you’re just beginning your foreplay, make sure you’re using lube. Even for just your little finger! If your partner is relaxed and ready to enjoy this new experience, an uncomfortable penetration will quickly ruin his mood. There are toys specifically designed to open you up to the experience of anal sex. it’s time to do what we came here for – anal sex. First things first. We recommend using a condom. It’s always best to be safe, as your partner, or you, could have an STD without knowing it – and if this is the first time for one of you, you don’t want it tarnished in the future. Next, you need lube. And plenty of it… don’t be shy! One thing to note – make sure your lube is condom friendly (the majority of water based lubes are condom compatible). 

Let’s talk about positions Picking the right position is the next important step. There are a myriad to choose from, many of which will lead to different sensations. As you become more experienced, it’s yet another thing to experiment with. For beginner’s, we recommend starting off simple. Let the ‘bottom’ go on top (the terms ‘top’ and ‘bottom’ relate to where the ‘giver’ and ‘receiver’ would be in the missionary position). This will allow him to control the depth, angle and speed of penetration. Additionally, if there is any discomfort or pain then the ‘bottom’ can slow down or stop completely. 

The big finish There’s no point dancing around it – everyone wants to cum. For the ‘top’, the immediate stimulation provided by being inside your partner’s anus is likely to lead to orgasm. For the ‘bottom’ it is a little more complicated. When you are being penetrated, it is stimulation of the prostate that causes an orgasm. This is why being on top the first few times is a good idea, it will help you find what feels good – when you hit the ‘p-spot’ you will definitely know about it! 

The importance of communication: Talk to each other before, during and after. This is especially important when you’re starting out with anal sex. It has the potential to be uncomfortable and can even be painful – but when it’s done right it can be absolutely mind blowing. That’s why you need to communicate. What worked? What didn’t? Did you use enough lube, was the penetration deep enough, what positions do you want to try next time… the list of things to discuss goes on. Talking to each other will ensure that the sex gets better and better, that you keep trying new things and that both partners’ needs are met.  Visit us – https://www.xtraclub.london/blogs/news/gay-anal-sex-a-beginner-s-guide-to-going-all-the-way


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