If you're insecure in your relationship, you're just unsure of yourself. I know. It's frustrating you want to think that your partner is the reason you're insecure. That he did something that makes you feel insecure, and because of what he did or said, now you're second-guessing yourself. It is so much simpler than that. It's so simple it doesn't even involve two people.
It involves one – YOU. If you're insecure in this millionaire dating relationship, you believe he might be able to find someone better. You think he might be able to find someone sexier, more relaxed, more compatible, and it is those fears that propel your anxiety forward and encourage it to grow. And unless you tackle this insecurity, unless you overcome these fears, it can spiral out of control and lead you to do and feel ridiculous things.
It can make you call him incessantly, and it can make you never leave him alone, it can make you go through his phone and second-guess all the things that he tells you. So my recommendation to you if you're trying to overcome insecurity in a relationship is to plunge into who you are and why you feel this way. I think of a client that I have in California who, when I first began working with her, was insecure that her boyfriend would cheat. She knew it. She said, “Coach Natalie if he's not already cheating, he's gonna cheat.”
In the beginning, it was because he was always out late. Throughout our work together, we discovered that it was because she felt overweight. She thought she had lost control over her physical appearance because she was so damn stressed at work, too tired to go to the gym, too tired to cook lunch when she got home at night and instead would grab fast food through the drive-thru at lunchtime. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and months eventually turned into really shitty self-esteem. So our original goal was to help her encourage him to come home.
But this goal radically changed shape, and it changed direction. And instead of it being pointed at him, it was indicated at her. I feel sexier than ever, and he's never been more attracted to me.” And that's not because of how she looked physically. It's because of how she felt emotionally in the relationship. People are attracted to people who are attracted to themselves. The more into yourself you are, the more worthy of the love you feel you deserve; the more love you will get, the more eyes will stare at you.
And that's precisely what happened to my client in California – and that can happen to you. So many people feel insecure because of what another man did to them. I've been there. You date a man that mistreats you, and now you assume all men will mistreat you. And even before they do, you're already ready for when they will. Well, he hasn't cheated on me yet, but he will one day because so-and-so did. He will one day because that time I dated that guy, I was mistreated.” And now you're punishing your current boyfriend or husband for the crime another man committed. That doesn't sound fair.
NO. And if you're going to make him be punished for something another man did, how was he supposed to fix that? You can't. So what does that mean for your relationship? It means you're setting it up to fail. If you're putting a variable entirely outside of his control for him to fix, it sounds to me like your expectations are unrealistic, that your insecurity will grow, and the love you share will shrink. Be proactive. Don't worry about your partner yet. Focus on yourself first. If you want to eliminate insecurities in your rich men dating relationship, stop the insecurities with you first.
