Let's be honest: life can seem rather mundane at times. Dishes, laundry, work, and the same old meals make it easy to become stuck in a routine. So, when my buddy began gushing about a new masturbation craze called “Big Butt Sex Toy,” I was interested.
Apparently, it involves these inflatable, silicone model known as “Big Butt Sex Toy.” Imagine this: large, skin-coloured juicy ass intended for various oh-so sexy workout sessions. Mark claimed it was a pleasant and efficient technique to tone your glutes (a fancy term for your deadlift).
Naturally, my daring spirit took over. I saw myself having a perky, toned derriere, easily navigating stairs and donning those summer shorts. Sarah also guaranteed that it would be an absolute blast. Who could resist having some fun while still getting some exercise?
Tiddy Shop – Where Experts Shop!
I ordered the “Big Butt Sex Toy” from Tiddy Shop. It arrived in a discreet box (thank god), and I couldn't wait until the weekend to check it out. Now, I live with my girlfriend, Sarah, and her younger brother, Ethan, who is constantly underfoot. Finding alone time might be difficult, but I decided a my me-time session wouldn't hurt.
But, What Happened, Next?
Saturday morning arose, and the home seemed to be vacant, so I got into the living room. I grabbed the “booty banger” (it was shockingly loud!) and felt a rush of anxious energy. I positioned myself on the bed as instructed online, ready to battle my deadlift.
The first workout was pushups, which felt surprisingly simple. I was gaining confidence as I imagined myself on top of my girlfriend. This meant squatting my ass off the ground and balancing on the toy. Easy peasy, right? Wrong.
As I attempted, the doll slipped out from under me. I fell to the floor with a cry, the gigantic bouncy booty around the room like a rogue planet. My cheeks were burning, but it wasn't from exercise; it was pure embarrassment.
Right then, the living room door creaked open. My heart collapsed. It was Ethan, flashing his typically cheeky grin. He gazed at me for a moment before chuckling. “Uh… what are you doing, brother?” he gasped, tears flowing down his cheeks.
I attempted to preserve a sense of decorum. “Uh, just, uh, trying a new exercise routine,” I muttered, pulling myself up and forcing the renegade Big Butt Sex Toy back into place.
Sarah rushed upstairs, still chortling. She emerged moments later, raising her brow. “What's all the noise?” she said, looking at the booty-licious on the floor.
OOPS! I GUESS SOMEONE’S SECRET IS OUT
My cheeks burned hotter than before as I shyly narrated my “booty blasting” incident. To his credit, Mark did not laugh aloud. Instead, he choked a chuckle.
The remainder of the session was a hilarious catastrophe. We agreed to do the exercises jointly, which, in retrospect, was a poor idea. The “booty banger” seems intent to mislead us at every point. We ended up in a tangled jumble of limbs and laughing, and the vision of toned glutes was long gone.
In the end, my “booty blasting” experiment may not have resulted in the sculpted rear I had hoped for, but it did provide a good dose of fun and a humorous memory we'll all enjoy.
