The phrase, ‘boys will be boys’, has been ingrained in our cultural language for generations. It is often used to dismiss or excuse various behaviors exhibited by boys and young men. This mindset maintains harmful stereotypes, reinforces gender biases, and can result in negative outcomes.
Where did this come from?
To comprehend the implications of the boys will be boys mindset, we must first examine its historical roots. This phrase emerged in a society that upheld strict gender roles, gendered traditions, and expectations. Men were expected to be assertive, dominant, and tough. Women were supposed to be nurturing, submissive, and delicate. This binary view of gender roles has persisted for centuries and continues to influence our perceptions and society today.
The boys will be boys mentality originates from the idea that due to their gender, boys are naturally inclined towards certain behaviors. For example, aggression, risk-taking, and insensitivity are often behaviors linked to young men. It implies that these behaviors are not only acceptable but also inevitable. This faulty logic implies that these behavioral patterns are considered natural and innate in young men, and therefore should be tolerated. This mindset reinforces the harmful notion that boys and men are inherently less accountable for their actions than their female counterparts.
Manifestations of the Problem
Excusing Harmful Behavior
One of the most significant issues with this mentality is that it excuses and minimizes harmful, toxic conduct. When boys engage in aggressive or disrespectful actions, “boys will be boys” is often invoked to downplay their actions and relieve them of accountability. This common socio-cultural outlook provides neither consequences nor punishment. It also sends a dangerous message that certain behaviors are permissible based on gender.
Reinforcing Gender Stereotypes
The boys will be boys mindset reinforces problematic gender stereotypes by suggesting that boys are biologically predisposed to specific behaviors. This underscores the idea that boys should conform to a narrow definition of masculinity. In this form of masculinity, expressing vulnerability, empathy, or emotions is deemed unmanly or weak. These expectations can have negative consequences for the mental health and emotional development of boys.
It also implies that young girls and women should just accept that this is the way men are. Therefore, girls are expected to adjust their behavior and expectations in order to compensate for boys being boys.
Dismissing Consent and Respect
In the context of relationships and consent, the boys will be boys mentality can be particularly damaging. This type of thinking insists that boys have a natural propensity to pursue sexual conquests. It excuses the fact that these pursuits are often at the expense of a partner's boundaries and autonomy. This undermines the importance of consent. Further, it supports the culture of entitlement that is so problematic among young people today. It also emboldens disregard for the feelings and agency of others.
Emotional Expression
Social expectations that boys should conform, be stoic, and unemotional ideal are enforced by the boys will be boys mentality. Boys are discouraged from being vulnerable or seeking help when facing emotional challenges. Suppressing emotion can lead to mental health issues, as young men and boys may struggle to cope with and express their feelings in a healthy way.
Consequences of letting boys be ‘boys’
Toxic Masculinity
This mindset continues to uphold toxic masculinity. This is a set of cultural norms and expectations that place undue pressure on men to conform to traditional masculine ideals. It can lead to bottled up emotion, increased aggression, and a reluctance to seek help for mental health issues. It also hinders healthy relationships by discouraging emotional intimacy and vulnerability.
Gender Inequality
The boys will be boys mindset perpetuates gender inequality by normalizing harmful gender stereotypes. It suggests that boys are, by birth, more entitled to certain privileges. Further, it suggests that boys are less accountable for their actions. This continues an unequal power dynamic between genders. The inequality is apparent in various aspects of life, including professional opportunities, domestic responsibilities, and safety and security.
Sexual Harassment and Assault
The dismissive nature of the boys will be boys mindset can contribute to a culture of sexual harassment and assault. It perpetuates ambiguity and entitlement around the issue of consent. When young men are taught that their sexual desires should take precedence over their partners' boundaries, it can lead to situations where consent is ignored or violated. The result is often that victims are blamed and offenders go unpunished.
Mental Health Issues
This mentality can have severe consequences for the mental health of young boys and men of all ages. When any sign of emotion, empathy, or even respect is seen as a sign of weakness or being less masculine, boys feel pressure to keep up a front. The front often means coming across as tough, unfeeling, unphased, and physically powerful. Suppressing emotions and having to maintain a façade of maleness can cause anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. The stigma around seeking therapy or even talking about feelings can worsen these problems.
Challenging the Mindset
Promote Healthy Masculinity
To challenge the boys will be boys mindset, we must actively promote healthy masculinity. This means redefining what it means to be a man. The humanity of each individual, human experience, and authentic expression should come first. Boys need to feel safe feeling and expressing a range of emotions, empathy, and respect for others. Encouraging boys and young men to reject toxic masculinity and embrace healthy attitudes is essential for change.
Education
Schools, families, and communities should engage in conversations about gender equality, consent, intimacy, and dismantling harmful gender roles. Young people need to be given the knowledge, language, and tools to challenge this mentality. Encouraging dialogue about the harmful effects of this mindset can help break down barriers to change. Men and boys should be supported and listened to without judgment when they share their feelings and experiences.
Accountability
People must be held accountable for their actions, regardless of gender. When someone engages in harmful behavior, it should not be excused with the boys will be boys mantra. Instead, consequences should be imposed, and young boys should be made to reflect on their actions and be shown ways to grow and change.
Trust Mental Health has a team of BIPOC therapists that offer various therapeutic services, including therapy for teens, in California. Contact us today for a free 15 minute consultation. We will match you with a therapist that best suits your needs.
FAQs
What is therapy for teens, and how does it work?
Therapy for teens is a form of counseling designed to help teenagers navigate emotional, behavioral, and mental health challenges. It typically involves one-on-one or group sessions with a trained therapist. The therapist uses various therapeutic techniques to address the teen's specific needs, providing a safe space for expression and personal growth.
How can therapy for teens help?
Therapy for teens addresses a wide range of issues. These include anxiety, depression, substance abuse, self-esteem, peer pressure, family conflicts, academic stress, eating disorders, and more. Therapists tailor their approach to each teen's unique needs.
How can I find a therapist for my teenager?
You can start by asking your pediatrician, school counselor, or family and friends for recommendations. Additionally, online directories, mental health organizations, and insurance providers can help you locate qualified therapists.
