The first person your child will ever communicate with is their parent. From while inside your belly, they hear your voice and respond with movement. It's no wonder then that your voice continues to be a place of calm and love as they grow older.
During pregnancy, we speak softly and sing to our bellies. We are gentle after childbirth and coo nonsensical words at our offspring, developing a whole love language within days. As they get older, we play silly games in a voice we use on nobody else.
But then something happens and all of that changes. Suddenly, we need to discipline and apply rules, and our voice changes. We become loud and firm. And as they grow older, perhaps we become harsh and demanding. Maybe even irritated and cruel.
Their voices changed as well, to be fair. They went from gurgling and babbling happily to endlessly questioning you morning and night, until one day, there was a deafening silence. You have a teenager who knows everything and doesn't care about your opinion anymore.
As both grew up and older, our roles should have changed from teacher/student to mentor/mentee. But often that doesn't happen and the relationship becomes strained or falls apart, and the reason is that both sides are now unsure about their footing on this new strange terrain.
As a parent, of course you would want to help your child make every decision and support them through every heartbreak, but it's not always necessary or welcome. It's easy to see them no longer needing your directions as a rejection of your wisdom, but it's really not.
Instead of considering yourself a bad parent because your child won't come to you for every little thing anymore, why not see that as an indication of successful parenting by having raised someone who can think critically and make his own way in the world?
Your child is not destined to live an extension of your life or to fulfill your unrequited hopes and dreams. They were born with their own stars in their eyes, and their own dreams to follow. They will have to make their way out into the world and you can't hold their hand or instruct them as you once did.
Your job as a parent was only to teach them right from wrong, give them a pencil and paper, and be their North star. It was their job to draw a map and follow it to reach their destination, knowing that your ever-present light and positive voice would always steer them true.
And if they fail every now and then and they return, beaten and broken, it's your job to steady them with a gentle word and confidently push their boat back out to sea with a packed lunch, a wave, and a thumbs up. If your children know that you have their back, they will always come home to dock.
That is your role as a parent to an autonomous being. And there is no greater position to hold.
