Every bathroom renovation company has a story they tell new apprentices. Ours involves a toilet with impeccable timing.
We'd just finished upgrading a lovely family bathroom. New tiles, walk-in shower, vanity unit, heated towel rail—the works. The customer was delighted, and all that remained was the final handover.
As we proudly showed off the finished room, the toilet suddenly flushed.
Nobody had touched it.
We all looked at each other.
"Very modern," said the customer cautiously.
"Absolutely," replied Dave, our plumber. "Voice activated."
Before anyone could question this revolutionary new technology, it flushed again.
This time everyone jumped.
Dave scratched his head. "Well... it wasn't doing that five minutes ago."
The customer raised an eyebrow.
Our electrician muttered something about "electrical interference," despite toilets having very little interest in electricity.
The apprentice quietly moved towards the door.
Just then... WHOOSH!
A third flush.
At this point the customer's Labrador, who'd been asleep downstairs, charged into the bathroom barking furiously at the toilet. We now had five adults and one dog staring suspiciously at a perfectly innocent porcelain fixture.
Dave decided there was only one sensible course of action.
He knelt beside the toilet and whispered, "Right... what's your problem?"
Silence.
Everyone relaxed.
Then...
WHOOSH!
The dog bolted. The apprentice nearly followed.
After twenty increasingly creative theories—including ghosts, faulty plumbing, mischievous spirits and "possibly haunted pipework"—the mystery was solved.
Hidden behind the bathroom door was the family's three-year-old grandson.
Every time someone stopped looking at him, he'd reach round the door, press the flush button, and duck back out of sight.
He'd been doing it for nearly fifteen minutes.
He finally stepped out wearing the biggest grin imaginable and announced, "I made the toilet magic."
The customer burst out laughing.
Dave sighed with relief.
The apprentice admitted he'd already started updating his CV.
To this day, whenever someone asks if we've ever installed a smart toilet, Dave simply replies, "No... but we once fitted one operated by a four-year-old wizard."
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