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Two weeks ago, I turned 31 and had one of the best birthdays of my life. My priorities for the next year of my life is simple - To focus on my physical and mental health, to spend a lot of time with my husband and friends, to travel as much as I can and to read as many books as I can. Apart from this, I want to excel at work and climb one more step in the professional ladder. Yeah, that's about it. Having a child has never featured in my list of priorities and I doubt if it ever will. Before people start assuming that I'm a child hating witch, let me tell you that I actually do like children. I like watching them and playing with them, but in small doses. Children are beautiful creatures and I think that it is amazing to watch them grow. But do I want to do that? No. Not as of now at-least.
The problem with a woman my age being a non-mom, is that, most of my friends are now parents to one or two and in some cases three children. Good for them. I'm sure parenthood is a wonderful place to be in but some parents seriously need to know the difference between parents and non-parents. When some women have children, their conversations only revolve around them. As a non-mom on the other end, I'm more than bored. I'm also terribly uncomfortable but the mom on the other end doesn't see that. She just expects me to understand the Hebrew that she's talking and expects me to react with pride. Sorry, that's not going to happen.
Some women do not talk about their children all the time, but somehow have that knack of linking every topic that we speak about to their children. "Oh, you're work's going good? I tell you children are so much work", "That's a nice colored top that you're wearing, my daughter would look good in that color", "Look at how fat that woman is, will she ever be able to have babies?", "Isn't that guy so hot, wow, what a good-looking dad he'll make", "Did you watch the latest item number with Sunny Leone?, Sunny is my son's nick name BTW". All that I hear is blah, blah and yes, you guessed it, more blah.
There are no other uncomfortable creatures than a couple of non-moms in a group of two or more moms. While you are desperately trying to make a conversation about chicken nachos, you are interrupted with videos of babies burping, running around or trying to say "Gleba" (If you don't get this, seriously, watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S). As a non-mom I might find this cute initially, but after 46 videos and 3876 pictures, I'm getting this close to getting a tubectomy. Then the moms start talking about breastfeeding, potty and what foods they give their spawns and at what time, the non-moms are looking blank or are busy looking into their phones trying to find contacts they can send an "SOS" to. I get it, that you are enjoying parenthood, but is that the only thing that you can talk about? If it is not the overenthusiastic parents, then it is the cribbing ones. These people only complain about how difficult their lives have become after having a child and then judge you for not wanting to have one.
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Some parents do not understand how difficult they make it for non-parents. If I'm coming to meet you, that means I'm coming to meet you and not your child. I genuinely want to know what you are doing and how your life is, not what the kid had for breakfast or how it pooped on your favorite dress. While it is totally okay to take your child out to a social gathering or a family occasion, the parents need to know their audience. If we are meeting after eons, we would have a lot to catch up on. If you bring your child, you will be totally distracted and I'll be utterly bored. I'm a conversationalist and I need to have decent conversations if I'm meeting people. I'm totally sure there is someone who can watch your child for a couple of hours, while you go get some free time with a non-mom. If a bunch of moms are hanging around with their children, then it should be a mom only meet. Trying to include non-moms in it would be a total disaster.
When parents visit non-parents at home with their children, they need to know that one thing - they are not at their homes. It is not okay for your kid to disturb my flower arrangement, tear the book I'm reading or roll around on my carpet while eating a biscuit. The worse thing is, some parents think that it is totally okay and just let the kid do what they are doing. Actually no, that is not the worse thing. The worse thing is when parents find this cute. While I'm rushing to find a broom and dustpan, the parents are busy whipping out their phones to capture their kid's antics. This is totally not fine. It is also not fine to ask the non-parents to switch off the main power supply because your kid wants to play "pull the wires from the socket" or ask them to dim the lights because it is time for the child to go to sleep. While the non-parents might do it to not seem rude, you clearly are asking for too much. You weren't born as parents, so you know what it is to be a non-parent. It would be nice if you were a little considerate to say the least.
My closest friends, a dad and another, a mom, are parents to naughty boys and we meet once a month to talk and drink. They come without their children and we have such a wonderful time. They go out to meet other parents too with their children and they have a good time there too. When you can have fun individually, why try to mix it up? Non-parents are non-parents for a reason, so let them be. Some woman I know thought that I find it uncomfortable to be around children because I cannot have one and I get emotionally troubled when I see one. No kidding. You have no idea how much of an effort I put into prevention and protection and how much I panic when my period is not on time. While most women are cut out to be mothers, some are not. My husband and I are on the same page here and while we do like kids, we just do not want to have one of our own.
As a non-mom or as a non-parent in general, I go through a lot when I'm in the company of other parents. Honestly, I don't think that parents get that. While they have clearly crossed the boundary to the other side, they probably should even think about the side they just left and the people who choose to stay there and why.
Or, is that asking for too much?
Original link
Two weeks ago, I turned 31 and had one of the best birthdays of my life. My priorities for the next year of my life is simple - To focus on my physical and mental health, to spend a lot of time with my husband and friends, to travel as much as I can and to read as many books as I can. Apart from this, I want to excel at work and climb one more step in the professional ladder. Yeah, that's about it. Having a child has never featured in my list of priorities and I doubt if it ever will. Before people start assuming that I'm a child hating witch, let me tell you that I actually do like children. I like watching them and playing with them, but in small doses. Children are beautiful creatures and I think that it is amazing to watch them grow. But do I want to do that? No. Not as of now at-least.
The problem with a woman my age being a non-mom, is that, most of my friends are now parents to one or two and in some cases three children. Good for them. I'm sure parenthood is a wonderful place to be in but some parents seriously need to know the difference between parents and non-parents. When some women have children, their conversations only revolve around them. As a non-mom on the other end, I'm more than bored. I'm also terribly uncomfortable but the mom on the other end doesn't see that. She just expects me to understand the Hebrew that she's talking and expects me to react with pride. Sorry, that's not going to happen.
Some women do not talk about their children all the time, but somehow have that knack of linking every topic that we speak about to their children. "Oh, you're work's going good? I tell you children are so much work", "That's a nice colored top that you're wearing, my daughter would look good in that color", "Look at how fat that woman is, will she ever be able to have babies?", "Isn't that guy so hot, wow, what a good-looking dad he'll make", "Did you watch the latest item number with Sunny Leone?, Sunny is my son's nick name BTW". All that I hear is blah, blah and yes, you guessed it, more blah.
There are no other uncomfortable creatures than a couple of non-moms in a group of two or more moms. While you are desperately trying to make a conversation about chicken nachos, you are interrupted with videos of babies burping, running around or trying to say "Gleba" (If you don't get this, seriously, watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S). As a non-mom I might find this cute initially, but after 46 videos and 3876 pictures, I'm getting this close to getting a tubectomy. Then the moms start talking about breastfeeding, potty and what foods they give their spawns and at what time, the non-moms are looking blank or are busy looking into their phones trying to find contacts they can send an "SOS" to. I get it, that you are enjoying parenthood, but is that the only thing that you can talk about? If it is not the overenthusiastic parents, then it is the cribbing ones. These people only complain about how difficult their lives have become after having a child and then judge you for not wanting to have one.
Image Source
Some parents do not understand how difficult they make it for non-parents. If I'm coming to meet you, that means I'm coming to meet you and not your child. I genuinely want to know what you are doing and how your life is, not what the kid had for breakfast or how it pooped on your favorite dress. While it is totally okay to take your child out to a social gathering or a family occasion, the parents need to know their audience. If we are meeting after eons, we would have a lot to catch up on. If you bring your child, you will be totally distracted and I'll be utterly bored. I'm a conversationalist and I need to have decent conversations if I'm meeting people. I'm totally sure there is someone who can watch your child for a couple of hours, while you go get some free time with a non-mom. If a bunch of moms are hanging around with their children, then it should be a mom only meet. Trying to include non-moms in it would be a total disaster.
When parents visit non-parents at home with their children, they need to know that one thing - they are not at their homes. It is not okay for your kid to disturb my flower arrangement, tear the book I'm reading or roll around on my carpet while eating a biscuit. The worse thing is, some parents think that it is totally okay and just let the kid do what they are doing. Actually no, that is not the worse thing. The worse thing is when parents find this cute. While I'm rushing to find a broom and dustpan, the parents are busy whipping out their phones to capture their kid's antics. This is totally not fine. It is also not fine to ask the non-parents to switch off the main power supply because your kid wants to play "pull the wires from the socket" or ask them to dim the lights because it is time for the child to go to sleep. While the non-parents might do it to not seem rude, you clearly are asking for too much. You weren't born as parents, so you know what it is to be a non-parent. It would be nice if you were a little considerate to say the least.
My closest friends, a dad and another, a mom, are parents to naughty boys and we meet once a month to talk and drink. They come without their children and we have such a wonderful time. They go out to meet other parents too with their children and they have a good time there too. When you can have fun individually, why try to mix it up? Non-parents are non-parents for a reason, so let them be. Some woman I know thought that I find it uncomfortable to be around children because I cannot have one and I get emotionally troubled when I see one. No kidding. You have no idea how much of an effort I put into prevention and protection and how much I panic when my period is not on time. While most women are cut out to be mothers, some are not. My husband and I are on the same page here and while we do like kids, we just do not want to have one of our own.
As a non-mom or as a non-parent in general, I go through a lot when I'm in the company of other parents. Honestly, I don't think that parents get that. While they have clearly crossed the boundary to the other side, they probably should even think about the side they just left and the people who choose to stay there and why.
Or, is that asking for too much?
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