Are you too nice for your own good?

Are you goody-two-shoes? If, when describing you, people struggle to find words then just say, "Lisa… she is nice. Really nice," then Houston, we have a 'nice' problem. We are taught to be nice from childhood. Be considerate, parents said, and be kind to your friends, they insisted. Well, while that was good advice – and being nice never goes out of style – there are things that could make you sound or look like a doormat.

Haven't we all at one time accepted raw deals just to dodge conflict? Well, there are some really dramatic people and the only way to avoid getting dragged in their web or drama is by conceding, but sometimes you have to stand your ground. No one said you always have to be the bigger person in a relationship. Be petty for a change. And assertive. That is sexy, almost as good as krispy chicken!

If 'sorry' was a storied rental building, you would be eligible for a lifetime capital gains exemption. You say sorry on repeat that your friends have threatened to chop off your tongue of you said the word one more time. Okay, maybe that is too dramatic. Still, why say sorry even when you have wronged no one? A habit develops over time and so it also takes long to get over. You can start small by going for a day without apologizing for wrongs you haven't committed. Slowly but surely, you will get used to only giving meaningful apologies.

'No' is a strong word. Very strong, and it becomes addictive when you get used to saying it. Nice people find it hard to say no and as a result, none of their plans get accomplished. You are always doing other things for people and nothing for you. How do you remedy this? Simply start by saying "no" when asked to do something that either clashes with your plans or doesn't feel right to you. If you would rather be sleeping than be dragged to a party to be your friends' designated driver, sleep, darling.

We all need a pick-me-up once in a while, but being repeatedly complimented can be a turn-off. If you are always telling your friend or significant other how beautiful they are even when it is evident they are not, you need to tone it down. The truth is much better than empty compliments. If your friend is too needy, it would sound better coming from a person that cares about them than from a stranger.

When people let you down, they know that you will understand. They will call to cancel on plans you had together at the last minute because they know you will "understand." Even though you are left resenting them for ruining plans you have made for the last two weeks, you will not voice your anger. Well, the only way to remedy this is by speaking up. Let them know right away that you are not pleased. Do not imply it; say it.

The only solution to being too nice is by changing the way you relate with people. It could mean losing a few friends, but who needs users in their lives?