Silly thoughts incapacitate an already overworked brain caught in a state of overt hyperness to witness a relative blurting some debilitating crap. Stoic and dignified silence is maintained but at what cost! Once the damage is done, I go mad innumerable times in a day cursing and whining on letting the moment slip to call people off. It gets tricky to wear my in-your-face cloak when another person in their house is quite close to me and there is always the risk of tension or the relationship going for a toss.
It’s not that the assholery was directed at me but at events which is not in my hands but kept fuming for days on how stupidity can reach the ceiling. Such kind of things gets to me even days after it was told. I gotta learn the art of telling things on faces which is normally a personal trait but refused and still better, nodded to diffuse tension building inside me. See, the entire conversation or discussion can be very delicate at times in a bid not to offend a third person who is all cool and chilled out. He may just take it personally because of his better half, one can never know. I mean, how do you get such things out of the system. There is no fucking filter and the way I am designed, tend to get overworked for days and months after something is spelled out.
The mind shall not be disturbed by external events but still, it gets the best of me innumerable number of times. Blame it on an overworked brain, except don’t wanna the devil come out of me. I mean, find it utter lame when people have prejudices against people, communities or countries that fire me up but tread cautiously so as not to offend people. But, at times it can hurt me for missing the chance to fire in all directions. Am I being myself or pandering by hiding behind excuses! Honestly, I don’t know but at least being silent ensures not being pulled in the mud. This quote by George Orwell during a Twitter spat by a journalist to a troll a couple of days back makes so much sense to me:
“Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty and besides, the pig enjoys it.”
The quote works out well when I refuse to be dragged into a fight and it couldn’t come at an opportune time, preferring the diplomatic me to take center stage. The winter has finally come and reached the highest point where it is becoming extremely difficult at night for me to work. Hot tea offers the much-needed warmth inside the throat and tummy. I normally hate wearing night pajama or suit and pull over to sleep since a pair of short works out comfortably fine for me with the perk of being wrapped under thick blankets. Dabur Chyawanprash is working wonders right now and two spoonful a day helps me to increase the immunity and combating the cold. One thing that I haven’t been able to successfully stay away from is sweet meat and every time, keep saying about going off for a month is never happening. My tomorrow never comes.
There are days that came as a blessing in disguise. Friday was one such day of sitting in the coffee shop and reading Shashi Tharoor’s Why I am Hindu? an amazing and scholarly book, offering reasonable, nonpartisan explanations on rites, history of India, about being a Hindu vs the Hindutva brigade of hatred. I sat and penned two poems, back to back one for the other blog and the second posted on Facebook about the monsoon, slow trains which we call dheemi locals, tip tip tap tap an analogy to the rain in India and of course an enticing female that flits pass us in a big city by our window train to disappear like an illusion. I need to save the poem for don’t want to lose it.
Love
V
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