Hairy story of lost sheen, glory and grey

My sabse favorite and prized possession were my jet black hair and beard. I scratch and scratch till bored…what?!!! Fire your dirty mind! It’s ma priceless treasure, the black hair, black beard.  Waqt waqt ki baat hain. I twist my hair lock to scare the shit out of boring homo-sapiens. Till one day, it went into oblivion. Dearies! I haven’t gone bald or shaved it off.

See! My Jawani is going for a toss. I a multi-colored butterfly. Just another way to put it, I am going grey and my priceless black hair is losing sheen, glory, and color. The canvas of my water-color. I got greyish. Sniff! Sniff! I turn into Tommy, the favorite pet in the colony and squatting on the floor to nurse my sorrow. I have gone grey. Fire your imagination. I still have shiny black on my head just that grey streaks are surfacing and popping everywhere like mushrooms. Now, I hate grey. I really do. Aha! The countless trips to the saloon, oops parlor! How I hate to call it saloon? It’s so down market right. Cool people kiss. Cool people don’t go to saloon. The hair parlor must be counting his fortune to may grey under the sun…oops hay with crazy folks like me. Do I look sullen to you? Nah! I don’t. Hide those streaks, remove them from my hairy planet. I take solace. At least, my hairy chest is still jet black. My black hair is my treasure. I should have shaved them off to keep in my secret vault. I told na ki it’s my most prized possession. Possessive bout’ hair and hate it when someone touches my hair. I caress them like soft fur. Who needs sensuality when they have black? At least, not me…na, baba. na, na, na.

Trim that growing beard that will soon be relegated to zilch. I shave it off. I preserve my youthfulness. I don’t give a fuck about realism for wanna grow old with my black hair, black beard kinda shit pep talk. Fuck salt-and-petter. I really wanna kill this moron who’d say that grey is sexy. I wonder how this senseless and intolerant bigot would happily hum this song of illusion on the greatness of grey. Boycott Chinese! Boycott grey in every size, form, shade, and shape. Ban them all. It is beyond tolerance. Don’t give a damn if this abhorred color gives you an ejaculation. Go sexless for I don’t care about it. Tired I am of looking for solutions to make all miraculous grey disappear from my life and skin. I wanna ma magic potion. Flush your imagination down the drain for grey will haunt you. Ghosts are scared of them. Ever wondered why they roam at night. See! It’s black. Black is sexy.

Stop ranting. I ain’t. There is no such thing as aging gracefully. I am eternal but fucking grey is not. My chaddis collection are multicolored, except this banned one like the 1000k note. I shudder to find my new version of demonetisation in my drawer and gotta trust me on that, will set it ablaze, if I ever do. Trichologist! Don’t need your expert advice to decode my follicles. No one says gimme grey, bhai. We say gimme black. I wanna my black back. It’s my toy to fiddle with when I’m plain bored. Hey! It’s no wisdom tooth. Wisdom is passe. The wise old man is sleeping in the grave and no sane mind would wake him up to dole gyaan. Nostradamus is dead.

A silly story of a young man at heart and fighting age to keep his youth unscathed. I am a freedom fighter. I fight with grey to liberate me from its clutches. Who stole my black? I am a peasant, a patriot. Black is my turf, homeland, and country. Don’t uproot me. No man’s land. Waqt ne kiya kya sitam. I am timeless, cool and sexy. It’s not my oft-repeated line. Let me fly in my black jet and zip past the commoners who come to terms with grey. I don’t. Any issue with that? You can fuck off and do whatever you can, all that I care. I adore my black. Grey is a deadly ghost. No one told you that! Now, that you know, just get rid of them, color them in pastel color, pour red ink if you want on your head and wipe off the grey patch. Make your parlor guy or babe go crazy like Lord Hanuman hunting for Sanjeevani. Black is the miraculous poppy plant. I wanna smoke pot of black like the sadhus and be an aghori black. You racist? How can you hate black? It’s the coolest. Now, you know why the world fucking hate Donald Trump blurting nonsense. It’s grey. Just wipe it off the planet.

Love

V