I say #MeToo

Just yesterday a female friend and professional woman posted on Facebook on being harassed and abused by a rickshaw driver in Mumbai while the rest-men and women alike watched impassively and laughed. And to think, that the #MeToo campaign got wings on social media this year when actress Alyssa Milano asked women harassed sexually to come in the open. No wonder, it’s not a human, by-products of social constructs or values but the campaign itself, #MeToo which was named Times Person of the year 2017. It’s an irony!

Image credit: Google

Heads rolled and shamed, the so-called respected figures spanning across politics and the entertainment industry. #MeToo was not just a campaign but a show of strength that boomerang into our lives and spared none of the men guilty of groping and harassing women. Right from the Woody Allens, Kevin Spacey, George W Bush senior or for that matter, ‘Harvey Weinstein was my monster too’ in a thought-provoking letter penned by Hollywood actress Salma Hayek. Rightfully so, Me too was not just a campaign but a tale of pulling the rabbit out of the hole which showed the effectiveness of social media roaring and growling like a wounded tiger (ress).

Picture this with Tarana Burke’s #MeToo campaign lacked the reckoning and tooth to spread like wildfire and brainstorm across nations to warrant an attitude change through social consciousness. Perhaps, social media didn’t really seep into our lives to bear such an impact like a sleigh riding over storms to bring an overhaul of reforms into our minds, both men and women. Trust me, it’s a huge battle pretty much like the Kurukshetra.

It begs the question. First, you have a pussy grabber who goes by the name of Donald Trump sitting on the US throne and it is flimsy to see popular tag asking to grab him by tax return.  The entire issue goes much beyond this. Secondly, there is not a day in India when we don’t hear a woman being sexually harassed or raped in public spaces or hoodwinked into a private room. Thirdly, we need to look at the global statistics where 90 percent of girls know their attackers’ identity, 15 million adolescent girls have experienced rape between the age of 15 and 19 coupled with only 1 percent willing to reach for help.

Closer home, the Indian National Bar Association (INBA) survey in 2017 blew the lip to unpeel our hypocrisy where 38 percent women revealed sexual harassment at the work place coupled with 25.5 percent facing inappropriate touch and 12.5 being asked sexual favour.

It whittles down to one question, the fear of retaliation, shame-yes it very much perpetuates society, punishment or retaliation. At a time when we are speaking about the #MeToo campaign, it is beyond doubt that we need to look at the survey in India where 68.9 percent women survey told that complaints were not made as a result of fear, embarrassment and lack of confidence. Or 65.2 percent women revealed that the company didn’t follow the process laid under the Sexual Harassment of Women at Workplace Prevention, Prohibition, and Redressal) Act, 2013.

Alyssa Milano

Tehelka’s Tarun Tejpal silly banter with a girl as young as his daughter, anyone remember?! Or, for that matter, Tehelka never implemented the Visakha guidelines to protect women against sexual harassment but they are not the only ones.  There are many companies and organizations as pointed out by the survey who never implemented or followed guidelines to protect women which perpetuates in our male, patriarchal society. One is tempted to ask very legitimate questions on the #MeToo campaign which hemmed and hawed minds in a modern and urban world. What about poor women in far-flung villages who lack access to internet? Who is going to explain to them on the need to expose the Harvey Weinsteins or Kevin Spaceys of their world? I think we know the answer and wonder on pressure built on these women or the way minds are wired.

It is not only restricted to women in rural villages but modern and urban cities. There are women who will never expose men guilty of sexual harassment or rape. The patriarchal misplaced values have been stuffed into the minds of many women hailing from well-to-do families who shall never complain or protest on who should change the diapers at home, lay the dining table or do the household chores. I have observed it closely enough where ‘women’ complaining is not just unthinkable but also internalize the patriarchal rules that pit them against themselves.  I am speaking about educated women who would take offense if we discuss such parochial practices that suffocate their entire well-being or identity.

Like a college senior and male friend on my Facebook, rightly pointed out at the fact that when a woman lets you hug her, there is a certain implicit security and trust that she puts on you that will not bruise her soul by touching her inappropriately and support her when she is pitted against the whole word. We have had the case of Jyoti Singh christened, ‘Nirbhaya’, the many Nirbhayas across cities and rural life. Is there any woman who has not been groped in a public space, inside the house the so-called rich families or a child who is subjected to unwanted touches?

The patriarchy has enforced its social and cultural, albeit, obsolete values on us which has no place in a modern world. You know the story right, get married at an earlier age to be able to bear children, a daughter is ‘paraya dhan’ or she smokes or comes late at night, she must be a slut who sleeps around…akeli ladki khulli tijori hain’

The ‘metoo’ campaign spun like a tornado and domino effect when we saw someone like Richa Chadda nailed it by penning a hard-hitting letter on society or male patriarchy for that matter. We cannot deny the might of this social campaign which hit the cudgel. It’s unfortunate to see some men hitting back with notallmen. While I agree with that since I am a man with strong belief in equality and recognize the unfair cum tough patriarchal world a women lives where she is waging a battle every day, be it at home, public spaces, work place or stupid social mores.

I see this #notallmen is feeble attempt to thwart the powerful #MeToo campaign. It was lame and was not the right time to indulge in such an insensitive spree.  Rather, men and should have been part of the campaign by acknowledging the issues faced by women and be part of the change. I recognize a handful number of men did so, though.

We will recall this year that the daughter of an IPS officer, Varnika Kundu was stalked by the son of a politician throughout the city of Chandigarh to abduct her.  Credit goes to the IPS officer and the daughter who stood up against injustice, refused to be cowed down and used social media to wage a war against this disgustingly cowardice act. The problem is deeper with the male attitudes entrenched in society. It is just the tip of the iceberg when the mighty and powerful harass women in broad daylight.

There was the suffragette campaign in the early 19th century that rose and stood massively to give women the right to vote and historically, there have been instances of women killing themselves in the passionate fury to end gender inequality. Perhaps, women or men who believe in the thought would one day lay their lives for Governments and society to change their attitudes. And, to think marital rape is still not considered an offense in India. I say #MeToo.

Love

V