Communication really isn’t as stressed as it should be. It is one of the biggest red flags a failing relationship could have, and divorce attorneys warn against it.
Take it from Patricia Ann Grant, a matrimonial law partner at Davidoff Hutcher & Citron, “I would say that [communication problems] are almost inevitably present. A breakdown in communication almost always leads to anger and resentment, either overt or covert. The resentment and anger can often cause otherwise minor issues to be blown out of proportion."
One thing that can frustrate you when you find out that your relationship suffers/suffered from communication troubles is when you find out how fixable they are or were.
Grant explains, "Often, communication issues in a relationship simply boil down to a misunderstanding of your partner’s feelings or thoughts—misunderstandings that might be resolved if only the parties were able to communicate about them."
Nicole Sodoma, a divorce attorney and author of Please Don’t Say You’re Sorry, says, "It’s very easy to overlook or ignore your intuition and any red flags that appear in a relationship. This is especially true the more we care for someone, but ignoring those red flags—and your gut—isn’t going to do anyone any favors in the long run."
Importance Of Communication
Sodoma says, "if you are not addressing issues when they arise, you are missing out on the opportunity for individual and relational growth. Learning or re-learning communication skills can be the foundation to the new relationship house you are building together."
"Overlooking or avoiding these discussions frequently leads to increasing hostility and anger that finally erupts and becomes so much more problematic than issues might have been had they been identified, discussed and resolved," Grant explains.
Communication problems can stem from minor issues, such as your definition of a clean house, or something more serious, such as finances or being in a Karmic relationship.
5 Signs There Are Communication Issues In Your Relationship
Sodoma says she starts her sessions with a client by asking if their spouse knows they are here. "Almost every time, the answer is no. Communication failed long before the client ever walked in the door…”
She continues to define marriage: “Marriage is a team sport, which means both parties have to be dedicated to making the changes necessary to preserve the relationship that they’ve built."
Recognizing where you are going wrong in your marriage and working to fix it is part of the deal. Here are five communication red flags you could watch out for.
Silent Treatment
Getting your point across to the other person can be challenging if they refuse to talk. Their silent treatment could also mean a lot.
Sodoma defines it as saying, "It almost always suggests resentment and hostility that is festering. It is an unhealthy communication method, and, in fact, most psychologists today categorize it as a tool utilized in emotionally abusive relationships."
Silent treatment is a massive red flag of the person meting it out.
Avoidance
Confrontation is not fun, but it is necessary. If one of the parties in the relationship wants to talk about an issue they find bothersome, but the other party shuts it down or changes the subject, that is a red flag.
Grant believes "this is a sign that one of the parties is unwilling to address an issue that may be important to the other party.”
Yelling
Discussing has a protocol. How you discuss a matter makes a huge difference in allowing people to judge how you resolve issues and how you approach a solution.
"As adults, we should have the ability to sit down with one another and communicate respectfully," Sodoma explains.
That being said, emotions can flare up, especially when the relationship or marriage has been a long one.
Sodoma advises, "If you feel yourself getting overheated, step away from the conversation before you say something you don’t mean and come back to the table when you’re able to discuss in a more level-headed manner.”
Not Listening
If you are not seen in a relationship, you are probably going unheard. Your partner can make an innocent mistake, such as forgetting to get your favorite ice cream. But not listening to you and your thoughts, dreams, and aspirations is a red flag.
"If your partner isn’t learning about who you are—your likes, interests, traditions, goals and dreams—they aren’t listening to you," Sodoma explains. "Not listening means they are not invested. The only way to grow together and create a relationship that can stand the test of time is by being invested in and listening to one another."
Condescending
Experts cannot stress this factor enough: The type of communication matters in a relationship.
Sodoma says, "Dialogues with your partner should be a mutual exchange of energy. They should be honest, transparent, uplifting and confidence-inducing, even when they are hard. If your partner engages in name-calling, is disrespectful, or is dismissive of your concerns, that is a red flag."
Grant agrees, saying it becomes particularly stressful when your partner has no issues discussing a matter with people outside the relationship. He says, "[It's a problem] when one party ridicules or belittles his or her partner’s feelings in the presence of a third party to avoid a private meaningful or thoughtful discussion with his or her partner.”
To Conclude
The ripple effect of not communicating with your partner can destroy the relationship faster than fire devours wood. Understanding and working on the pain points is the only possible way to save your relationship, provided it is worth saving.
If you have thoughts to share or questions about communication red flags, please leave a comment. We would love to hear from you!
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