Being a mom is a wonderful life changing experience, which is pure and wonderful, at that- however, it is overwhelming, exerting and emotional. Whether it be through the sleepless nights and the ongoing responsibilities or through being a household manager when it comes to fulfilling their needs, the burden that mothers have to face is not always noticeable. Whereas social media portrays an ideal image of parenting, it is very complex to many mothers. It has love in it, that is true, but also moments of introspective doubts, guilt and overwhelming emotions.
Anxiety in motherhood is one of the most often, but undiscussed experiences. The need to be perfect, keep everyone healthy and conform to unachievable expectations, may cause continuous anxiety. Mothers tend to wonder all the time: Is this the right food I am giving them? Are they growing apace? Am I trying my level best? Such constant self-talk may cause mental and emotional fatigue. Contrary to the fading concerns of everyday life, this type of anxiety has profound roots and can slowly but surely destroy the feeling of calmness and self-assurance in a mother. It is significant to normalize such sentiments and provide mothers with a foundation in which they will not feel judged.
The role of emotional control that motherhood requires is another aspect that society does not pay much attention to. Kids tend to reflect the world of emotional intensity that surrounds them and in the case of a tired mother it can become a challenge to hold onto the patience and keep the inner serenity in the face of insurmountable odds. When it all feels like it just doesn t stop, when the tantrums, messes everywhere, constant questioning, and the emotional needs of all the people in the house stack up it is normal to feel that you are about to snap. Most of these mums end up doing things they could never think possible like screaming, closing down, or running away emotionally.
But this is the real deal: every mother has experiences, when she feels like a failure. The concept of a perfect mom is a mythology and it has to be broken. The children however require what a parent can give most a present human and loving one not an infallible parent. When a mother is able to tender apologies, reconnect and show that it is okay to have bad times, she is giving a wonderful gift to her children and this is the gift of being allowed to be human.
Where then should we start changing the narrative?
To begin with, the first element is self-compassion. Understand that you have one of the most difficult jobs in the world and perfection is not what matters the most, connection is. Such a strategy as mindfulness or breathing exercises or just a moment of silence on a daily basis can be your way of resetting the nervous system. Identification of your triggers is also useful. Can it be the mess? The noise? The sense of lack of hearing or support? By informing yourself on what triggers you, you are able to proactively self-manage your situation or get help.
There is also a community issue. It helps to talk to other mothers, attend support group or just be open with close friends who love you to find comfort and validation. It makes you know you are not the only one doing this- and even what you are experiencing is not unique to you but is justified.
Which is one of the most vulnerable questions that many mothers have in their own minds when they are alone: how can I stop yelling? The answer isn’t simple, but it begins with self-awareness. Yelling is normally an outcry after feeling helpless or tapped out. When it does, don’t shame yourself; rather, notice it as a cue, your body is indicating that there is something going on. See if you can incorporate some built in self-care and emotional release in your day, however small or short: five minutes to breathe deeply or a five-minute walk outdoors. It is important to repair relationships with the child after explosive behavior and to be honest with the child in appropriate child-centered ways. This instils emotional strength and engages healthy communication.
Being a mother does not refer to being perfect. It is about growing, learning and loving like hell-even in the mess. And when you happen to experience that you are not quite up to the mark here, keep in mind: your affection, your presence, and your work is more than sufficient.
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