My favourite food that I could eat forever and never get bored but I’ve always been a lover of all things carbs and that’s what I find quite ironic: I tend to love the foods that are the worst for me, which usually fuels all the guilt feelings I have around food. So I would usually wait all day to eat, right up to the point where I would feel ill and then binge by ordering a takeaway that came with loads of sides and of course, a desert. I felt as if that was the only way I could get away with eating what I wanted if it was the only thing I ate that day.
My relationship with food has been a long and rocky road and I can remember everything circling back to food, maybe because I am a woman and you find out living and working with older women how discussing food is.
It does seem to take up a lot of people’s lives, but that makes sense because that’s what we do; we eat, sleep, work, and go on holiday a couple of times a year; it’s the thing we look forward to, get creative with, and spend most of our time thinking about. I really wanted to have a balanced and healthy lifestyle, but I wasn’t educated or had the confidence, independence or motivation to actually do anything about it.
So when it comes to a personal story on how my relationship with food has improved, it seems only to write that we begin with statistics and then the beginning.
The Statistics
Data shows that only 56% of adults think that their relationship with food is a healthy one, with men more likely to believe this at 64% and women at 49%, whilst only 43% of 18-24-year-olds are happy with their eating habits.
Another study, epidemiological studies, has shown that anorexia nervosa (AN) and bulimia nervosa (BN) are more common among females than males.
Lastly, eating disorders affect at least 9% of the global population and 6% of people with eating disorders are diagnosed with the status of being underweight by healthcare professionals.
The Beginning
When I was younger, I was always fussy with my food and never liked to eat certain things that my mom and dad loved and while it’s very much a child thing, I just found it hard to grow out of it but that never really deterred me from eating. Although it wasn’t very nutritional food, I still enjoyed eating food until I was in my early teens.
Social media came about, and hearing conversations between people, such as boys and girls, formed this fear of gaining weight and being fat. Social media, since I could remember, also showed unrealistic expectations of what our bodies should look like, and at my very underdeveloped and young age, I was confused as to why I never looked like that, which is quite sad as I think about it now as an adult.
I believe that most people’s eating habits are formed during their adolescence, as you are very impressionable, you are still learning right from wrong, and the hormones are creating feelings of depression and anxiety, so feelings of fitting in are so important. I remember thoughts that I used to have, as the ‘perfect body image’ consisted of being skinny in the waist, with big boobs and a big bum, and while I was around the age of 16, the only one I could really control was being the skinny one, so I used to go some evenings without eating anything.
I was also uneducated on what this did for my overall health and mental health, but at the time I never saw an issue with it because no one brought it up to me, and I was happy that I was skinny. Unfortunately, conversions with men happen where I had my little womb pouch, which is where you have an outer womb, so no matter how much weight you lose, you will still have a little bump on your belly. Nevertheless, a man I used to work with pointed it out in a disgusted manner, and you could only imagine how that made a 17-year-old girl feel.
My eating habits stayed consistently the same until I went to university at 19 years old, and here at this point, I still didn’t see an issue with it because I ate around friends and family, and while I enjoyed eating food, I also enjoyed being skinny, so I ate just not enough. Either way, I went to university, and this is when I was drinking more, eating pre-made food, and eating junk food all of the time.
It was the first time that I had ever gained weight in my life, and I was shocked. I always thought that I was going to stay skinny for the rest of my life and I went right back to changing my whole routine with the simple aim of being skinny. I didn't care about how I was going to get there so I essentially went down the unhealthy path and stopped eating.
What I Did To Change
When I hit around the age of 21, I began to realise that I love to eat food, both bad and good but I needed to get my habits in line with my health goals. I spoke to women about it, I did the research, and a mental click just happened, so I realised that I am loved no matter if I have a little belly fat, but as long as I am moving my body and reducing the amount of sugar I eat, I can still have a body I love without cutting out whole days without food.
Here are a few things that I did to eventually remove societal pressure and trauma.
Give Yourself Permission
As my issue was withholding my body from food as a whole, I needed to switch off that noise telling me not to and that I should listen to my body if it’s hungry. It’s important to note that eating when you are hungry and binge eating are completely unrelated. That’s not to say that you can’t have your boring days, but not a lot.
Eating When You’re Hungry
Diet culture has taught people to only eat limited amounts of food at certain times of the day but that’s not always what’s right for our body. Eating when you are hungry and not bored or emotional is what helped me come to terms with my eating issues. I have done the starving and bingeing, and it’s only coming to the reality that I only need to eat when my body wants to is what made creating meals so much easier.
Confidence
It’s easy to say to be confident, but I truly gained confidence when I saw different kinds of women in the limelight on social media. Not everyone is built to have specific body types, and coming to the reality of that and embracing what God gave you made me glow. I began to buy clothes that fit me and not try and fit in my clothes, but also I began to love and appreciate my body for being a functional piece of equipment that serves me well every single day.
Once you decide to be grateful, you have the hyperfixation of what I ate withered away. While the thoughts are still there, don’t get me wrong, I still treat myself to unhealthy foods, and I still encourage discipline so I don’t over-consume unhealthy foods.
Final Thoughts
Overall, my relationship with food has been a rollercoaster, but as a woman, I feel like I can freely say that most women have experienced these struggles, especially when the focus on social media is body image. I would also recommend taking regular breaks from social media, practising forms of self-love, listening to your body. Ignoring the negative thoughts just allows you to live freely from constant negative thoughts regarding your body and food choices.
Make sure any changes you are making for cosmetic reasons are something that goes beyond what society classifies as beautiful and it’s a personal choice. I have of course made changes with my body but only gone to working professionals like plastic surgeons in Manchester who were able to do the most natural changes that allowed me to recognise myself in the mirror.
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