Made in 1987

The last time I wrote about my birthday was before my wedding. The most cliched Last fling before the ring happened when I completed my 29 years. Earlier, I had planned entering my 30's in a modest way. I was sure that I would be working with a “Just married” tag and go to a vacation at Goa. To keep the long story short, things were different. I landed on my 30 as a new Mom. Totally different than I ever imagined. Undoubtedly, it is one of the most special moments in my life and an unexpected one. That's what makes my journey all the more special.

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As I stepped into 31, I took the time to thank my family for bearing with me for so long. As much as I learnt about myself in my 20's, they learnt so much about me too. They have always known what I liked, but mid and late 20's taught us what I don't like as well as what I am not. I really thought of myself as a person who can manage any situation and any person. Yes, I can, with a sense of professionalism, but I learnt that is not how it works with personal relationships. It's only in my late 20's I learnt I have strong opinions and also stand by it. I am adamant and believe my own set of rules. I have never believed in fights and have always let things be. I always talk things through and through and through. I ask sorry if I am really wrong. I ask sorry if I hurt someone. Until my mid-20's, I was a very loud person. Being loud was being happy and felt a joy in expressing myself better. However, I realized I used loudness to fill my emptiness. I used loudness to be heard. Funny, no? I have been very ignorant. My 20's makes me who I am today. I failed in relationships, but also found my man in my 20's. I am glad it all happened in my 20's.

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I must definitely write about my 30th birthday here. This time, last year, I was a mom to a 20 day old baby girl. I was hardly able to get up from bed due to my episiotomy during delivery. I was gifted a beautiful sari by hubby, but was not in the mood to wear it though I loved the time we spent together while my parents watched over the little one. However, I managed to wear the Sari by the end of the day since my family was in all mood for a birthday bash. I felt like I need a change too. My routine feeding schedule and my sore nipples were enough to feel fatigued all day long, but today I feel those were the easiest stage of parenting. I really wanted to do something else other than following my mundane routine. My aunt and my little darling cousin had come over for the lovely day and we all celebrated a quick birthday bash while Ilakkiya was busy sleeping. I felt glad to have taken that extra effort to dress up that day. As a new mother, my priorities were to keep it as simple as possible because I didn't want to tire myself too much during the day. Those were the days Ilakkiya slept by 3 or 4 in the mornings and most nights were extended days for me. I am surprised she is already 1 now.

I stepped into 30 with two crucial factors that affects me till date: stress and bothering too much. I have never stressed about anything in life as much as I stress or fuss about Ilakkiya's food schedule. Similarly, I have hardly bothered about what people say about me. Now, when it comes to taking responsibility for a little one, I bother too much. Being the elder sister that I am, my sister sometimes says that I fuss too much about schedules and I am very inflexible. I am becoming very aware of these traits in me. I recently met a neighbor who told me that I look dull. I told her that I worry too much about my little one. She couldn't stop laughing. She also told me that this was just a start and there is so much to know about parenting. She told me that little ones keep changing and not to worry too much. Somewhere inside me, I know all is well, but still I want to be very protective of what is mine. Though I know I am doing my best often, it is about those times when I want to sit back and relax and give her simple joy foods. 30 was a very crucial year for me. I began a whole new chapter in my life and felt totally lost at sea.

Somehow, I felt so good on my 31st birthday. People I love wished me and my day started with showers of blessings and loads of love. It wasn't just the messages, it's the love in them. I feel so blessed and decided not to stress on parenting anymore. Also, since my word of the year is Simplify, it is helping me in so many areas of my life, I am sure it would help me in parenting too. I would like to keep my parenting straight and simple. More on that soon.